I began cleaning out my inbox on Gmail. On the website it allows you to create tabs and it categorizes your emails. My three categories are primary, social and promotions. But it was my social tab that stood out to me. As I was deleting old emails, what I saw were dating websites that I had signed up for over the years. And God spoke to me and said, “What if the energy I put into those dating websites were put into “dating Him?” 

At that time I had been in North Carolina for nine years, and that’s just about how long ago I signed up for my first dating website. I moved to a state I had never been to before and where I knew no one. Earlier that year, I was physically abused for the first time. But instead of getting help for what I went through, I went looking for fulfillment. Trying to find what the first person who abused me, didn’t give me. Essentially looking for love in all the wrong places. 

For a year or two, I know I talked to or met multiple men. Some if I felt comfortable enough after getting to know them brought satisfaction sexually. But to be satisfied sexually from someone is not fulfillment. In the end, I was still lonely, still empty, still looking for something to fulfill me. Time and time again encounter after encounter, fulfillment never came. 

I then found myself in a relationship. I thought this was the man God had for me. I thought that he was my husband.  Towards the end of the relationship, I found myself praying that he wouldn’t ask me to marry him. And you know what, he never asked. But what he did was physically abuse me.  After some time, maybe about two years, what did I run back to? Yes, the dating websites and trying to find fulfillment in sex. Yet again, I was not fulfilled but empty. Still looking for love in all the wrong places, trying to fill a hole in my heart that was left by two men who abused me.

But God has a way of getting your attention, and it wasn’t some elaborate event. After several failed attempts on dating websites and sexual encounters, I began to feel restless. And one day God said, “Brandy, you keep looking fulfillment in dating websites and sex, but the fulfillment you’re looking for can only come from Me.”  This word came on me so strong that as I was talking to several friends that week, I began telling them what God said to me. I deleted all my accounts on those dating websites and that was the last time I was on them, I didn’t have any more sexual encounters.

*Disclaimer, there is nothing wrong with dating sites. I know several people who have found each other and are married. However, during that time in my life, it was not what I needed. *

That day I said no to looking for fulfillment in dating websites and sex, was the day that my life began to change, and my focus was redirected. I began “dating” God. I went on a seven day fast removing the other things that had my attention. Our first date was the first day of my fast, and I began to write. God had me write down the dark things I had hidden in my heart. 

Prior to this, I had already started cleansing a year before. This cleanse was strong. It was freeing. It was not enough to keep me from going back to my old ways. That purge completely caught me off guard and was unexpected. That day Prophetess Nakia told me, “I wasn’t done.” I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. 

I wasn’t expecting to go through another cleanse, but it was God’s will for me. It was rough, powerful, and beautiful. Now that I think about it, what a second date God had planned for us. That day I was filled with the presence of God and that’s the day I stopped looking for love in all the wrong places. 

God and I have been dating ever since. I look forward to our time together. I desire Him and only Him, getting to know Him, I long for Him and His love. Nothing can take the place of the fulfillment that has invaded every ounce of my soul. I always tell my First Lady, Pastor Christina, that I feel different and she said, “Yes I can tell, you look different.”  She said, “You’ve always been bright, but you are definitely brighter.” It’s a beautiful experience when you can purge dead weight and be free from it. That brightness/glow is God’s love radiating through me. Pure Joy! 

Romans 12:2 (KJV) states, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Another translation (AMP) version states, “And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be [a]transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].”

My heart flutters when I read this scripture. I know I’m transformed, my mind is renewed, I’m focused on God, and I’m walking in His purpose for me!!!! 

Have you been looking for fulfillment and love in all the wrong places? Are you “dating God”? You too can find love, I know I did!!!