Depending on the person, the term “single” can come off as a forbidden or sad word. I know I was one of those people. For the longest time, I couldn’t bring myself to say the words “Single Mom” and refer it to myself.  From the time I could remember, all I wanted was to be married, have one father for my child/future children, and the white picket fence with a chocolate lab.  

But there I was, 33 with a 3-month-old son, unmarried, no white fence or chocolate lab. I had to come to terms with the situation I was in. I never thought that at 33 this would be me, but it was. Looking at the situation for what it was, I would have been a single mom whether I was with my son’s father or not because I was unmarried. Even being unmarried, I did not think that I would be raising him without his father, but I was.  

When I think about it, the 3 months he was around were the worst, I was alone raising my son and he was right there. He would get mad and tell me his diaper was on too tight, but wouldn’t offer to change or help. He would get mad if our son was crying while he was sleeping. As if I was doing something wrong if I couldn’t get him to stop crying. Some nights he would be so angry when our son was crying, I honestly didn’t know if he was going to hit me until the day he finally did.  

Even after our son was born, he would still say he didn’t want him, you did. I couldn’t understand how he could say these things after having his only child, his first-born son. But it wasn’t for me to understand. 

Once I left him, it took a village (my family, church family, and friends) to keep me from going back. He tried to tell me he wanted to marry me, he wanted another son with me. And let me tell you, it was said in the most charming way. But the police detective on my case had already warned me and said those were the things he would say to try to get me not to press charges. The detective had seen it too many times. I had to see past what he said, and see him for who he was and what he did.  It wasn’t easy but I did. 

My relationship status was “single” even though I had been single long before, but this brought being single to reality instead of just being an unsaid state. But I had a 3-month-old to think about and I couldn’t dwell on being “single”. My son brought life to a dead situation and I’ve been living ever since.  

When I tell you once I was out of that dead relationship, everything for me started to thrive. I remember my account being in overdraft and having to ask him for gas money. But he was mad at me for my account being in overdraft, and no matter what I said, he didn’t understand or didn’t want to know how that could happen.  We made “good money” together but I was the one who was broke. Just another example of being in a dead situationship, and God not being present within it. This is a blog post all by itself.  

But as I said, I began to thrive.  My finances, mental and spiritual health, self-love, self-care, feeling like myself again, and writing were all alive again. It took some time to get them back. Cleansing is a continual process and writing was a integral part.  

It has been five years since my son was born, and in May I celebrated my 5-year single mom anniversary. Yes, anniversary! At the time because of my feelings and all my emotions, I couldn’t see past the fact that I was on my own raising my son. Not that I thought I couldn’t do it; it was not what “I” wanted. I wanted the fulfillment of my definition of  “family”.  I wanted his father and myself together raising our son, but this was not what God had planned for me. Ultimately, it was not the life I wanted either, constantly being abused because of the family I thought I wanted. 

I don’t have the family I thought I wanted, but God blessed me with the family that I needed.  They have been there to help build me up.  Even though I’m a “single mom”, I am not alone in raising my son. My village helps me in every way they possibly can. I felt guilty for asking for help, but I had to realize I couldn’t do it all on my own especially having no one from my immediate family here with me.

I thank God for my family that’s not  related by blood. They lifted me when I thought I couldn’t stand. They prayed with me and for me. My Faith Church family has been a blessing to me and my son. Without them, I really don’t know where I would be. So, to them I’m forever grateful.

I’ll leave you with this. Single does not equal being sad, unhappy or lonesome. In the words of my Pastor, “being single is a season of development.” We can’t be developed if we are unwilling to address or recognize issues in our single season. I’ve embraced my single season and discovered who I am as a mother, sister, daughter, friend, writer, business owner, intercessor, and disciple for God. 

Embrace and enjoy your season! It is worth it!!!